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Take Two, They're SmallThe fig invasion came without warning and without mercy. Fig preserves clogged the streets, and no food could be found except for fig newtons. While the increased fiber intake improved everybody's mood, it could not be denied that doom was rapidly approaching for mankind if some means could not be found to stem the tide. It was then that the world turned to its greatest resource: grandmothers. Springing into action at the request of the United Nations, the following Saturday was declared a global day of tea parties. A legion of bridge clubs and sewing circles, put into mothballs with the advent of casino bus trips, found themselves once again defending the front line of civilization. Armed with nothing but cups and saucers, spread knives, and small talk, they made short work of the invasion force, and knitted adorable little booties for every child under the age of 17 as well. The world breathed a sigh of relief until the next day when the newly organized grandmothers instituted martial law, with mandatory sweater checks and a universal 5 pm closing time for all restaurants.
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